Escape.. The Impossible

E S C A P E

Don’t let your dark thoughts; change you, control you and affect you. It may be hard now but escape the impossible is the greatest outcome of them all.

I T’S J U S T F O R T O D A Y :

I know your feeling down, today has not been great, you feel like giving up, you don’t feel happy or you feel worthless, try escaping these feelings and thoughts find a hobby or a passion you enjoy so you escape in a loving way, love by expressing how you represent yourself and would like change.

L O V E Y O U R S E L F :

Look in that mirror, every morning, every night, every time you go out and remind yourself of the worth you are and how beautiful you are because you are a flower of love, each petal is grown with love, mistakes and teachings, each petal represents; personality, soul and courage. Y O U are any flower you want to be; rose, dandelion, sunflower, tulip, poppy or even a cactus.

G R O W :

You prepare yourself for a rocky couple of years, learning about other people going through different personalities crashes trying to see where you could fit in, you start your own crowd you show them your a survivor and a warrior, you grow to believe in yourself, staying strong, understanding you don’t have to be perfect to fit in, realising you don’t have to be skinny too be “BEAUTIFUL” and realising not every friendship is going to last.

N A K E D :

Your standing in front of that mirror, analysing in your head which body part is the most unattractive and squeezing your belly and thighs because you feel like being size 16 is not good enough. Wipe them tears, stand straight and don’t slouch! You are beautiful and don’t need to adjust yourself because social media is showing you something else, you are unique in your own way and you are loved.

S T A Y S T R O N G X W A R R I O R :

So whenever your feeling down just remember just escape be more positive and learn that not everything will be easy there will be obstacles that won’t be easy to overcome but you are made to be in this crazy world and with you here makes it more exciting and unique.

“Goodbye, for now I’ll be back” – Daniella

“Fall in love with your solitude” – Rupi Kaur

Woman History Month!

Being a woman is a huge responsibility, Weather you are preparing to be a mother, a mother, or role model, or a woman of change and a girl who is learning to be a woman!

You are important. You are a HUGE role model. You are a hero. 

Things aren’t going to be easy, there will be obstacles, menstrual issues, contraception problems, breakouts, acne worries, not feeling good enough because of your size, hiding scars.

But you are YOU. Woman are EQUALLY BEAUTIFUL no matter of the imperfection.

If you feel that you need a change to improve your happiness, self-care, self-love and mindset. Then do it right away, don’t think about it twice, because someone will look at you differently and judge you.

Only your IMPORTANT. Change immediately if you’re doubted by something because only YOU can CHANGE the world.

Wake up early, Shower/Bath, Do your hair cute, Do your make up longer then usual, put something different on something new stand out, Look into that mirror and smile and you tell yourself that “Change is only for the good now” and you will glow, my dear’ you’ll glow so bright the sun will ton its colour. Strut yourself into work/school/college and have your head high.

Head high, SMILE so BIG. Change happens overnight if you wake up POSITIVE every morning.

You’re probably thinking but when I get back I have all that “homework, coursework, dissertation” or “laundry, cooking, cleaning” to do. You order yourself a chalkboard, to do list, diary and you prioritize what’s important. Without working your arse off things don’t get handed in a plate for you.

Being ORGANISED is key. Working Hard gets you a LONG way. This doesn’t happen overnight but it’s WORTH it in the end.

Support women as much as possible, a compliment, a shoulder, reassurance, is important. We are very stubborn and try and deal with everything ourselves but there are times we just can’t do it alone, we need an extra shoulder or hand. Please. Allow this. the more support the stronger we are.

All you have to do is COMPLIMENT a woman a day, and you have ACHIEVED something so special inside of them.

You probably aren’t going through anything I might have mentioned, you might have just started your first period. Don’t be scared. it might seem a bit scary at first but you are developing into a woman, you are still learning about things slowly. if you can be strong through this you are stronger than anyone. you are gold. you are a dime. you rule the world, honey!

Mother nature is BEAUTIFUL, Don’t ever feel like your not who you exactly are because you are AMAZING.

Please. Understand. Women from generations. Want us all to stick together. Support each other. Through the good and the bad days. We all do make very stupid mistakes. But we are all equally beautiful and strong! and we have loads of imperfections but we are all unique.

 

Anxiety can kill.

Do you feel close to death when having anxiety? Can it damage you? Can it kill you? 

Many of us go through different types of anxiety, Public and Independently. Many of us deal with it differently.

Do you ever feel nausea?

Does your stomach drop?

Do you ever shake at random times and can’t control it?

Do you stop eating and just starve?

Do you feel like picking up that sharp item?

Do you feel empty?

Do you feel lost?

Do you feel numb?

Do you feel like a failure?

On the edge?

Do you want to be saved but no one can hear you?

Do you feel close to giving up?

Yes. All the time.

But, you’re not alone, we all make stupid mistakes and huge mistakes we are only human, We owe a lot of promises and always pray for forgiveness but really all we need is the help. To Understand, Learn, Guide & Support each other. Every type of mental health leads us to these questions above and we have to remember we only live our life once.

You might be thinking about Self-Harm, I know it’s hard I am still overcoming my wounds which are still healing or are newly being healed.

You might be thinking about Suicide, I know your damaged and lost and feel like a failure, you feel numb and empty but hold on tight because you are a warrior.

You might be thinking about Starving, I struggle by this daily. I know it’s hard. Your whole body is on shut down. You don’t want to drink or eat. You hate the way you look so you cut down on food dramatically, So no one can realise you’re doing it, Stop it. Eat. Even if it’s just an apple. Please don’t make my mistake.

No matter what you are going through, try and control your inner feelings it might not damage you now but it will slowly, hour by hour, day by day, week by week.

It will eat the inside of you. I know you’re being silent not for attention, but you are healing. It will get better there’s always a bright side. I know you don’t see it now.. but it will. Soon.

Goodbye.

 

 

Introduction – This Is Me

I don’t want to start this to formally as I am afraid I will scare you all off or bore you all half to death, so I will start with a little bit about me so hopefully, you feel comfortable enough to share a little bit about you, with me too.

My name is Maddison but Maddi is what I go by, I am 21 years old and live in a small, run-down estate called Marks Gate. I’m still living at home with my mum and dad (not biological) and my 2 amazing brothers, both of whom have Autism, Learning Disabilities, Social, Emotional and Mental Health difficulties and other physical health conditions. I also have a stepbrother who doesn’t live with me but it awesome. I also have 3 cats (just in case you were wondering).

I work full time as an LSA (Learning Support Assistant) in a secondary school which believe it or not was where I spent my 5 ‘amazing’ years of higher education. I absolutely love my job but hate it at the same time. The young people I get to meet and support on a regular basis are the ones who keep me going, they inspire me to be the best I can be and that everything I do has a purpose even if I myself don’t see it. When I say I hate my job, I don’t mean hate it hate it, I mean it angers me…right down into my gut! When I see how amazing the young people are that come through that are FAILED by the mental health and education system, it angers me that I cannot change that, I mean I can listen to an extent and support them the best I can but I have to remain professional at all times and I have to be careful with what I say and do when really all they need is a huge cuddle and to be told they are enough!  

I myself ‘suffer’ from depression and anxiety and this is not something I am ashamed of nor something I have not seen before. Unfortunately, the demon we call depression and anxiety has a big history in my family and to be honest I knew it was only a matter of time until it got its claws into me. I have ‘suffered’ from a young age but I never really understood it. When people hear the words DEPRESSION or ANXIETY most think ‘attention seeker’…especially when I was in school. This is NOT the case and depression, anxiety and many other mental health conditions come in many different forms but the gut-wrenching feeling is always the same. I will hopefully have the courage to go into more detail about my battle a little later…

Anywho, enough about me…I do not claim to be a Councillor nor a professional but my heart has always been and always will be with helping people. It is my calling and thankfully Daniella has allowed me to support her on this blog and allowed me a platform to spread my love. I want it to reach everyone and I know this might sound a little cliché but both I and Daniella really want to do our bit to heal the world.

Therefore, I will leave this here as I do not want to ramble on. Please follow us along on our journey and please do feel free to be part of it. Our goal is to inspire you all to speak up and share your thoughts, no matter how big or small you think they are!

Both I and Daniella have set this up for ANYONE and EVERYONE who wishes to share their journey too. Feel free to message, comment, tweet or private message either of us at any time about anything.

I will leave you all with just ONE of my most favourite quotes of all time:

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” Dr Seuss

Instagram – @journeysingrowth         Twitter – @journeysngrowth
Facebook – @Journey’s In Growth

 

I’m sorry…

I’m Sorry, I ain’t good enough

I’m Sorry, I’m still of wounds.

I’m Sorry, I’m riddled with scars.

I’m Sorry, I ain’t beautiful.

I’m Sorry, I ain’t perfect.

I’m Sorry, I ain’t got clear skin.

I’m Sorry, I’m worthless.

I’m Sorry, I’m stupid.

I’m Sorry, For everything.

Do you feel ever numbness? Like there’s no escape to your problems? And everything is falling on you. You feel lonely, Not wanting to share your last thoughts on what’s really happening. The dark side of you only comes out after 12am. Where you sit there thinking… Am I even worth it? You become choked up and you break down because you feel like you don’t belong here. You don’t feel good enough? You don’t feel like there’s a greener side. You feel there’s no hope. You just want to disappear and come back with a new name, new face. new everything because you just want the pain you’re going through now to stop?

You wipe them tears, you have your head high and take each day slowly even if it takes you a whole month. You take it at your own speed, we will go through this together. ❤

 

 

Fighting Depression and Anxiety…​

This subject is very important but sensitive to myself as there’s been a time I went through it daily when I was a teenager. A lot of teenagers go through this during school or college even at universities, where adults go through it at work or both ages go through it on a normal day. There are many situations that would lead to depression and anxiety and I believe there hasn’t been a lot of success in doing something about it and helping others. Bullying, Verbal/Physical abuse, Family, Self-harm, Friends, Work could cause many of these problems.

How do you feel? What goes through your mind when you’re depressed? Why? 

worthless. hate. not good enough. – describing what goes through your mind when you’re depressed is difficult because everyone has it differently. As I had it through school my depression then was really vile, self-harm and suicide would be on my mind daily, I would cry every day, I felt numb and heavy, the pain became normal, it began to hurt as much, I began to feel like maybe if I disappeared life would be better without me? it would be more peaceful and light. – why? that’s hard to answer because at that time I felt like I wasn’t good enough. that I let my parents down and myself down. my mood and the way I felt changed the way I wanted to educate myself and the way I felt made me fail my GCSE’s but I couldn’t help it at all because of the verbal abuse and bullying I was going through in school every day, in the beginning, the pain was hurting in my heart and I would cry in my room every night and shake till I force myself to sleep. From actually thinking about taking my life and scaring my body. it was a phase in life I will never forget, but honestly, I’m a warrior because I dealt with the situation.. when I left school…

How do you feel? What goes through your mind you’re feeling anxiety? Why?

fat. not perfect enough. let down. – you just tend to feel like everyone is looking at you, whether there are 3 people in the room or 300 you’re just constantly shaking and rubbing your hands together and fidgeting, you start to overthink that e.g. “them girls across the room is staring at your ugly self and your fat tummy” when they could be looking at the person behind you. You constantly stand in the mirror finding fault with yourself, with your bum, legs, tummy, face constantly putting yourself down because other’s have told you, that you’re “not good enough” “you’re ugly” “fix your face” “have plastic surgery” You then believe you are not good enough and stop eating because you want to lose the weight that you “imaginary have” because someone told you differently – Why? because I just wanted someone to like me for me? I wanted someone to like my button nose and my tummy rolls when I sit down. I just wanted someone to accept me for me and when people break that wall down and make you feel different. You can’t stop that feeling. You overthink.

What advice would you tell anyone who’s going through something similar now?

Love yourself. It may be hard at first but it will get better through time there are at the moment 7.6 billion people on this earth and just because a cup full of people don’t like what you’re wearing or ain’t got the perfect body, doesn’t mean you should feel like this. Nobody is perfect and certainly not the person that is putting you down. Be confident. Head up high and be a warrior. Never let someone break your wall down so much you feel like you ain’t good enough to be here no more. because every single one of you is so precious to the world and you may not feel it now but the feeling will come soon.

Make a change. Believe in yourself. ❤

What is Love on Valentines Day?

It’s to express your inner love from deep within whether it’s from your partner, family or yourself.

Valentines Day isn’t about chocolates or teddies. It’s about you as a person someone who’s apart of you or not to come together as one for people around them to see them grow into a confident person and truly love themselves for who they are. Without the world judging on what they have or how they love.

Loving yourself is so important mostly when you’re alone it comes with commitment and confidence to let your heart out to the world and feel out of this world, due to the population of all us humans. Each one of us tries every day to better than a certain individual. We learn about ourselves every day. Committing to the changes we make. Proving things and trying to become someone who will change the world. And who is capable of not judging everyone around them. On this day 14th February. This day you should look in the mirror and note down what you would want to improve in the following year, how will you achieve this and what the outcome you would like to achieve. You must be able to feel happiness run through you even if negativity comes through. You must be able to cry for one hour and be able to stand up wipe them tears and move forward to better yourself. Improve a better you. Happiness is everything.

Loving together with your partner is the most beautiful scenery ever, No matter how long the outcome takes, feeling and seeing but believing is one of a kind. The progress in achieving the commitment with both of you. Valentine’s day shouldn’t be just based on this. As a whole. This love should be every day, even when It’s not verbally said you should be capable of feeling this strong bond you have with your partner, no matter what hiccup you have with them communication is there to resolve every feeling, learning about your partner takes time. Valentine’s shouldn’t be just the only day to show your love to your partner, Show your partner the same commitment, consistency constantly even if you’re bad at it.

A family will and always will be loved no matter, how bad a situation gets or how every situation or decision falls out. The family will be there through thick and thin even when some members decide to disappear for years. Make you sure you show them the love once in the while to let them know you’re always there, no matter how hard things get.

Be able to love yourself. Show your love around to people who are important make them see how worthy you are of their love. Everything takes time. Make sure this day is to celebrate those around you, who accepts you as you. who proves it every day even on bad days. Remember everything is possible.

Happy Valentines Day x

Thank you, M.D.Ward ❤

Empowerment, Women.

Empowerment is needed more in our world.

We’ve all got both light and dark sides inside us, but what matter is the part we choose to act on and how you perform that act. that’s who you truly are. Understand firstly that you’re doing everything for yourself. If it means being selfish? be selfish just to accomplish your dreams and achievements. SET your mind to it. BELIEVE in yourself. WORK for it. You as a human are worth so much on our big blue planet.

Be able to CHANGE your mindset for any goals you have this year. EDUCATE and learn something new that you never knew about. ALWAYS stay positive no matter how hard things get, STAY STRONG. DELETE all these shitty people around you giving you negative vibes. FOCUS on your long term and short term goals (I usually create a mind map, in front or next to my bed so when I wake up I know what my long and short term goals are and always get driven for motivation early in the morning). REMEMBER to have a lot of me time. READ books, poetry anything you’re interested in to build up your empowerment within your mind, soul and heart. DRINK loads of water. (Don’t overdose on water, I don’t want you to drown). take CARE of your skin. EXERCISE weekly. PRAY. (Even if you don’t know how to pray, just every night before you go to bed, speak to your GOD, tell him your goals for the next day you wake up and want you want to achieve, the more you speak to him the more he can guide you to your dreams). have FAITH. (Your faith can move mountains and your doubt can always create). Remember this quote: “Until I am the women I want to be. Until I reach that point. I have loads of work to do”.

I Believe if all women were taught how to love each other fiercely instead of how to compete with each other and hate their own bodies, what different and beautiful world we would live in so I believe we need to stick together more. Name calling. Racial calling. Is Shaming. “Hating people because of their colour is wrong and it doesn’t matter which colour does the hating” As once Muhammed Ali Quoted. Us Women need to be an army we are the world. No Race, Colour, Sexuality, Weight, Height, LGBT Should effect our differences do not stick together. We are different. EVERY woman has a unique description of ourselves, This is why we are all diamonds. Each one of us has a different dream drive. Personality. Our practice makes us perfect. GIRL POWER. LOVE YOURSELF YOU EMPOWERED WOMEN. LOVE OTHERS AND BE ABLE TO EMPOWER WOMEN.

We are all Beautiful, Be Kind and Have Courage. 

Goodnight, M.D.Ward.

 

Develop your Self-Love.

Have you ever been a victim of any? Bullying? Cyberbullying? Suicidal? Self-Harm? Domestic Abuse? Mental Health problem has been very dangerous and major in this generation and is getting worse year by year. This is spread across the world. UK, USA, Sri Lanka, Thailand and more countries. (Bullying, Cyberbullying, Suicidal, Self-Harm Domestic Abuse) play a big part of self-love. Many young girls between 5-21 go through bullying daily, every second. Everyone surrounded by them can’t notice or see the difference, thinking it plain having a laugh. it’s a deadly poison who cannot be messed with.

Let me introduce you to my story:

It all started when I was 13 years old I was in year 9 (UK classes). I was size 14, not the best size I could possibly have. I had a peculiar nose that would attract the bullies constant words such as Penelope or pig nose. I would get other words such as fat pig, mainly got targeted for my appearance and my weight, It became quite a hard day by day. individuals would stop me in hallways pushed me hard for no reason, spit in my face etc, I began to self-harm it was so hard beginning to think it was my fault for the way i looked began thinking I was a monster,. Thinking Year 10 would somehow get better it got worse. I had it daily but decided to lose weight, I didn’t eat nothing maybe one meal a day if my body was lucky, began to overdose on energy drinks 4 a day. every day for 5 days. in school. in 3 months I went from a size 14 to a size 6, my bones appeared through my skin for clearly, Ended up in hospital on loads of medication. The day I was back to school. I received a note in my locker. I still remember everything so clear. “You deserve to die no one needs you here”. Each day the notes began to get worse from 1 note to 10 notes, different ones. “Kill yourself in the toilets”, “Go die”, “Disappear” but I didn’t allow this to somewhat effect me. I kept myself to myself began to lose the friends I had. was a lonesome loner around my school hallways. each break or lunch I would go peacefully play the piano. As I felt that was my talent and only friend that could understand me emotionally deep. Year 11 occurred so quick; things changed as I began to put my foot down to the bullies who constantly aimed at me, it felt good got to admit to that. Last year. Had couple friends from my old class. 4 Girls I still remember them. directed me to do good. supported me. *UNTIL.. one morning. things got so bad, the whole school turned against me in 0.9 seconds. One girl held me, sat on me and punched my sides so bad. she got dragged off. I remember crossing my legs and rocking back and forward on the floor saying “this is it, I wanna die” repeatedly, constantly. I remembered getting dragged out by my mate. I said to her “I need to go, I will end up killing myself”I was shamed in front of the whole school. That same day. I remember having the headteacher stand up to me saying you’re, useless, attacking a B Grade student, ect” i felt like things were getting worse, *(This all started because a B grade student dedicated to sending a nude and I turned around and said I ain’t involved, yet the wrong person was there and changed the whole story. that I ended up getting beaten up to the point I was coughing blood up). It was English. There were scissors, I felt worthless and useless. I was so low that I felt like I wasn’t good enough to live. I asked my teacher to go to the toilet. On my way, I bypassed a girl I knew but since the bullying, she stopped speaking to me, She asked where I was going, I replied to the toilet… She said with scissors and a bag? I said nothing. I got to the toilets, I sat on the toilet seat and locked the door. I began to cry. and cut deep. The pain didn’t hurt anymore. I had period pain tablets, I took over 8 tablets. I knew it was time. then the door banged. I could hear everyone scream “stop, don’t your crazy” trying to open the door open. I could just about hear the voices. My head was blank. My pain was empty. two girls climbed over and helped me. From that day I decided to get full on help and STAY STRONG.

I went counselling from 2013-2015. 2 years helped me. So much to overcome everything. It takes so long to give yourself everything and love yourself but it’s so worth it at the end. I am 3 years clean from mental health issues. I wanted to share my story with everyone. So none will make the same mistake as me, don’t let a nobody bring you down to your lowest. I wouldn’t want to change myself for anyone. I love myself so much now it’s untrue. Believe in yourself. Find your inner strengths, work on them. build an army. create a new generation.

This is why Self-love is so important. Mainly in this generation. Categorizing becomes worse. to an extent, not being able to “fit in” or “have friends”.  Don’t have doubts. Love yourself for you. LOVE your body. LOVE your smile. LOVE your confidence. LOVE all over. LOVE yourself out of this world. Don’t let no one tell you, you ain’t good enough. Don’t let no one decided your decisions for you. LIVE up to how you want to live life. BE GREAT. BE AMAZING.

Repeat these important words:

YOU WILL ACHIEVE. YOU WILL LOVE. YOU WILL BE THE GREATEST. YOU WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE. YOU WILL STAY STRONG. YOUR GORGEOUS. YOUR YOU. ALWAYS WILL BE. ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

Thank You, M.D.Ward

❤